Brain Surgery for Dummies

As a child, I struggled in some areas: pronouncing my R’s (Grandmother = Gwandmotha), understanding the permanence of gravity (I whole-heartedly expected to fly one day), choosing clothes that matched (my mom would argue that this one is still a challenge for me). One hurdle I remember distinctly: my left vs. my right.

Most of the time, I outright guessed. I had a fifty-fifty shot of success or shame. I remember uncomfortable prickles of panic during the pledge of allegiance. I switched hands half-way through just to be safe. And the Hooky Pokey—what was that all about? “Put your right hand in, take your right hand out, put your right hand in and you shake it all about”—easier said than done if you’re directionally challenged.

Then I discovered my body’s built-in cheat sheet—the L trick. A quick flash of my hands, and my index finger and thumb spelled out the answer to my directional woes. Normal L meant left hand, backwards L meant right hand. Not exactly brain science.

Unless maybe you’re a brain surgeon at Rhode Island Hospital.

According to a CNN article, three different doctors at the hospital performed brain surgery on the wrong side of their patient’s brain, the most recent incident occurring on Friday. In two cases, surgeons said patients were OK. But for the third, the mistake proved fatal.

Mixing up left and right as a child is embarrassing; mixing up left and right as an adult with an MD and a knife cutting into someone’s skull—nightmarish.

Even if the neurosurgeon did have a momentary brain lapse, what about the other 200 people that always seem to be in the OR during surgery? (I watch Grey’s Anatomy) Where were they when Dr. Dyslexic started to operate?

Perhaps the confrontation seemed too awkward. OK, there’s some truth to that.

Dr.: “What do you have for me today, Meredith?”
Eager-to-please intern: Left-side brain surgery, doctor.
Dr.: Right-oh
Intern: Uh, your other left doctor.

Whatever went wrong, the Department of Health fined the hospital $50,000 and is looking for ways to prevent a fourth mishap. Perhaps adding the L trick to the MCAT would be beneficial.

Regardless, there’s a lesson here greater than the difference between left and right: Don’t get brain surgery in Rhode Island.